my hair, with all modesty humbleness and mild overhurbrisity, is awesome. it is a living creature that probably lived in my mother’s vagina and connected to my soft little lightly boiled egg-head before i plopped out of her womb, and symbiotically lived with me, sort of like a tusslable venom or something. blond, soft, shiny, lovely, it does what it wants, assuming any style and always looking awesome, ending in the emulation from many a bar drinking italian. so naturally i shaved it off for some reason. really, i had no reason for it, i just decided to do it. if someone finds me behind their bushes or naked in a convertable throwing invisible rats out the window, please don’t call the cops.

to counter the lack of hair on top, i figured i should rock the beard, which i usually do in the winter anyway. and i grew it out all giant like and also had started to grow the stache into a handlebar stylee. awesome. much like the top hair, the new combo garnered all sorts of kudoes from the hair loving community and people that i pass by that don’t want me to murder them. so naturally i shaved it off after hearing too many compliments. this is why i take pills.

Tags: beard, burrito girl, moustache, nutritionist, robert downey jr

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